My first STD was from a foam party
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
