week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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