What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
