I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
