no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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