Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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