If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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