11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
