well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
