What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
