i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
