I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
