it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
COCAINE IS GR8
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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