You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
