I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
