Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
