im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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