Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
