i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
