remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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