he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
