Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
