i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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