My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
