Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
soo... how was my night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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