Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize