if you like me you must not know who I am
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Everclear isn't food dammit
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
