Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
