u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
