Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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