remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
