yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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