I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
