my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
