he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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