Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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