That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
