fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize