Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
