i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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