How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
