Jerry, you need to find god
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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