Im at strip club and am horny
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
