I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
