so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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