I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
