I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
