my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was like giving head to a cactus.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
