sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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