hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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