Duck Duck Cougar?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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