He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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