God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
