I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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