I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
