She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
