Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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