This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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