Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
