Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
