He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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