You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
