I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
