Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
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