You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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