left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
