Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
