I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
