first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize