I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
FUCK WHALES
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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