So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize