i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
