Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
